


Pull The Pin

by islandgirl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 04:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandgirl/pseuds/islandgirl
Summary: Everything they've been feeling and not saying is like a grenade between them and damn it all, Buck is ready to pull the pin, let the explosion happen and for everything to fall into place.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 501





	Pull The Pin

"Buck! Hang on, we're coming!" Eddie's voice rings over the side of the cliff, voice barely audible over the whipping wind.

Buck's fingers are cramping, tips numb from how hard he has them pressed into the crevices of the rock. Letting go isn't an option though, unless he wants to plummet five hundred feet to the water below like that tiny car had done a few moments ago. No, he'd rather not. He presses himself against the side of the cliff as much as he can, trying to protect himself from the wind as much as possible.

Above him, his safety line is snagged on a jagged piece of rock, edges fraying with each sway of his body. If it frays anymore, he's not sure it'll hold his body weight and then he'll be well and truly screwed. 

Everything had been going according to plan during the rescue. The tiny car had been balance precariously on the edge of the cliff where it'd come to rest after the accident. They had just gotten a line on the car when the guard rail gave way, the car dropping over the edge thirty feet before they'd scrambled to the winch and got it secured. Then it was up to Eddie and Buck to repel down and free the trapped driver. Eddie was on his way up with the driver when the wind had kicked up, the car tilting and throwing Buck off balance enough that he lost his grip. 

For a moment he was free falling through the air, barely a moment to realize what was happening before he jerked to an abrupt stop, body slamming into the cliff face. His line had snagged on the rocks above him and while it had definitely stopped him from a gruesome demise, it only served to put him in a further predicament. Now he was stuck dangling forty feet below the cliff ledge with no way to pull himself back up to safety.

He had tried, oh he'd definitely tried. The wind, however, was making it near impossible. He was swinging free, the weight of his body pressing the rope against the sharp rocks, fibers giving way one by one until it had started to visibly fray. That's when he realized he was in trouble. Climbing up was not an option because his rope was failing. Instead, he'd latched onto the rocks, fingers and toes digging in as deep as they could.

Above him, Buck knows that Eddie is preparing to repel back down to him. He only needs to hang on a few more moments. It's getting harder though, rocks cutting into his hands drawing blood. He has no choice though, today is not going to be the day his number is up. He refuses. Not when Chris is going to be expecting him there after school for a movie marathon and pizza. Not when he and Eddie have plans to take Chris on a surprise trip to the zoo for his birthday in a few weeks. Not when Chim is about to propose to Maddie. Not when Karen and Hen are about to adopt. Not when May is about to graduate. And definitely not before he can tell Eddie that he loves him.

His life hadn't flashed before his eyes in those few seconds he was in free-fall. It was just the smiling faces of Eddie and Chris. They had slid right into his life like they had always been there, like they were always meant to be there, and he never questioned it. He and Eddie been dancing around things for so long now that he's not sure when those feelings of friendship turned to love. Maybe they've always been there or maybe, minute by minute, he fell a little more in love with Eddie Diaz, not realizing he'd been pulled under until it was too late. Either way, Buck has no regrets about falling love with his best friend; his only regret will be not voicing it, if he doesn't make it out of this.

A piece of rock under his left foot gives way and for a terrifying moment, he's slipping once again. Buck throws his body against the cliff side, fingers digging in deep, feet kicking out desperately for purchase once again. His face scrapes up against the rough rock, biting in deeper into his palms, it's better than the alternative though. After a gut churning moment, the toe of his boot makes contact and he's relatively stable once again.

Buck closes his eyes and tries to take a steady breath. His muscles are cramping and screaming at him, legs and arms quivering with the exertion of keeping himself steady and still. Just a little longer, he tells himself. Just a little longer and he’ll be safe, back on solid ground with Eddie at his side.

A small cascade of dirt and pebbles rains down on him, causing him to jerk back to reality. Buck glances up to see Eddie's boots advancing towards him a moment before he hears his best friend's voice.

"Almost there, Buck."

True to his word, Eddie eases to his side a moment later. There's an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes sweep over Buck in a very calculating move. Their eyes lock and suddenly the vice grip around Buck's heart starts to loosen. Eddie is here, he is safe. Now he just has to make it back to the top and everything will be fine. Neither of them moves for a moment until another gust whips around them, forcing Eddie to press closer to Buck to buffet them both.

"Ready to get topside?" Eddie asks, hands working to unclip the second line attached to him.

Now it makes sense why it took Eddie those few extra minutes to get to him; they set up a new line for Buck to climb back up. Buck nods numbly at Eddie, not quite trusting his voice yet. Eddie seems to understand though. He swings over a little closer, body pressing up against Buck's left side. He's got part of his body behind Buck's to steady him.

"Let go, Buck."

Without hesitation, Buck moves his left hand, releasing his white-knuckled grip on the rocks so Eddie can move in and clip the new safety line to his harness. It only takes a moment, but the exertion is too much. Buck's left leg buckles quickly followed by his right. Eddie is right there behind him though, body pressing them both against the rocks to keep Buck from sliding further. Buck grunts, but forces his legs to lock once again, holding his weight.

Eddie gives him a minute to steady himself before he leans back the slightest. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Buck breathes out.

Eddie pushes off the rocks, bouncing lightly from behind Buck so they're side by side again. Buck takes that as his queue and leans back, trusting the line to hold his weight. Slowly, he releases his grip on the rocks and presses his weight against his feet. Eddie nods to him, giving him a small smile.

"Bring us up," Eddie calls into his radio.

A moment later they are moving, lines being slowly pulled up while they walk back up the face of the cliff. A few feet up, Buck's original line gives way. He feels the slight release in tension on his harness, watching the frayed line sway in the wind. Eddie stays a step behind him the whole way up, close enough to touch and intervene if something should happen, but far enough away to allow Buck to do this on his own. A feeling of warmth swells in his chest at that realization.

It takes a few torturously long moments before the edge of the cliff comes into view along with Hen and Bobby's faces. The moment they are in sight, hands are reach down to help ease Buck back up over the edge. The moment his feet hit the solid surface of the road, Buck feels like his legs are going to turn to jelly and drop him right to the pavement. Before that can happen though, two strong arms are wrapping around him. Eddie.

Buck breathes a sigh of relief as Eddie hugs him tight, his own arms mirroring the embrace. A hand reaches up and presses Buck's head to the crook of Eddie's neck and for a moment, the world completely fades away. There is only Eddie's ragged breaths in his ear, their heartbeats thundering together, and Eddie's hands holding him steady.

"You scared the shit out of me," Eddie whispers into his ear, fingers digging deeper into Buck’s back like he's afraid to let go.

They do though, a moment too quickly for Buck’s liking. One minute he's wrapped up in Eddie's embrace, warm and safe, and the next Eddie is gone. It leaves him feeling cold and off balance for a moment, the world shifting unsteady around him. He knows it's the adrenaline dump, but he still misses Eddie.

"Hen, Chim, check him over," Bobby's voice snaps Buck back to reality as his Captain enters his line of sight. "You okay, kid?"

"Yeah, Cap," Buck nods. When those concerned eyes don't leave him, Buck digs deep and grins up at all of them. "I'm good."

He's not though. Well, not as good as they want him to be. Hen forces him to sit on the back bumper of the ambulance while she and Chim ease the gloves off his hands. Despite the protective material, his hands are still cut up, his left hand suffering the worse damage with a decent gash slashing through his palm.

"It's gonna need stitches, hun," Hen tells him as she wraps gauze around the still bleeding wound.

His face is all scrapped to hell, cheek and forehead abraded from an impromptu meeting with the rocks. Like road rash, however, there's not much to do beside clean it well. There are no broken bones, no concussion, and just a few bruises dotting his body from the rough treatment. All in all, not bad at all, not when they are all very aware of how it could have ended.

Hen and Chim accompany him to the ER to have his hand stitched up and by the time he gets back to the station, it's the end of shift. Bobby gives him a once over, eyeing the bandage on his forehead and the ones wrapped around his hands, before he gives Buck's shoulder a firm squeeze, a small smile curling up the corners of his lips.

"Glad you're okay, kid," Bobby offers quietly. "Go home and get some rest. You did good today."

Buck plans on doing just that. He's exhausted and his body is sore from head to toe. He's pretty sure the only reason he's still moving around under his own power is the fact that he had to sit on the hospital bed for an hour waiting to get his stitches and for the IV bag to run out. Standing in front of his locker now, though, Buck realizes he hasn't seen Eddie since that embrace at the top of the cliff. A restless feeling settles deep in his chest. As tired as he is, he needs to see Eddie.

Eddie's truck is already gone by the time Buck gets out to the parking lot. He wants to be mad that Eddie took off before he got back, but he also understands the urge to run. If that had been Eddie dangling off a cliff on a fraying line, Buck's not sure how he would be feeling. Except he knows that's a lie even as the thought rolls through his head. He knows exactly how he'd feel. Terrified. Panicked. Angry. Desperate. And just like Eddie, he would've needed the reassurance that the other man was safe and whole when they got topside. 

They say they are best friends, but Buck knows they are more than that. There's always been something else between them. An intangible feeling. A gravitational pull. There's a weight to Eddie's glances, a warmth in his touch, a feeling of home whenever Buck is in his orbit. Eddie makes him feel safe and happy and ... loved, all things Buck never thought he would ever find, not all in one person. And Buck has worked hard to keep a tight lid on those feelings, tried to keep himself in the friendship lane, not wanting to lose everything they have together. There are times though when his feelings bubble over and spill out, when he has to show Eddie how much their relationship means to him or he's going to explode. Right now is one of those times.

Climbing in his Jeep, Buck drives straight over to Eddie's place. His heart sinks to his stomach to find the driveway empty, Eddie's truck nowhere in sight. God he's so stupid. Buck leans his forehead against the steering wheel and sucks in a deep breath. Just because he needed to see Eddie didn't mean that Eddie needed to see him. He has Christopher to look after, after all. Exhaustion settles deeper into his bones as Buck turns around and heads for his own apartment. He needs a shower and some sleep. This itchy feeling under his skin, the need to be near Eddie, will fade eventually, he just has to wait it out.

Key in the lock, Buck barely has his door open before Eddie is right there in his space, arms wrapping tight around him. Buck's vaguely aware of the door being kicked closed, his bag hitting the floor, Eddie pulling them further into his apartment, but it's all eclipsed by the warm weight of Eddie pressed against him. The itchy buzz under his skin dies away, the hollowed out feeling in his chest suddenly filled in. Buck drops his forehead to Eddie's shoulder and sucks in an unsteady breath, arms wrapping tight around Eddie's waist.

After a moment, Eddie pulls back, not out of the circle of Buck's arms, but enough to finally catch a glimpse of his face. "Sorry I didn't stay," Eddie tells him quietly, face flushing, eyes darting away. "I needed this and didn't want everyone else in our business, ya know?"

Buck gets it, nodding along. His feelings are threatening to spill over again so he keeps his lips pressed together.

"I almost lost you again," Eddie says, finally pulling all the way out of Buck's embrace. If they both shiver at the lack of contact, no one mentions it. "After last year, I promised myself that I wouldn't ..." Eddie trails off as if realizing what was about to slip free.

Buck feels his heart kick a little harder in his chest. "You wouldn't what?"

Eddie looks up, eyes so wide and vulnerable it tears Buck's heart in two. For a moment, he feels like he can read everything there, everything Eddie's lips are refusing to say but his heart is feeling anyway.

_I love you. I need you in my life. I can't do any of this without you._

Buck feels like the ground is slipping out from under his feet, like he's back on that cliffside, dangling in mid-air. He can't breath, afraid to break the spell. They're both completely out of their depth here, edging towards a line they can't uncross. It's thrilling and terrifying all at once. It's one thing to feel this explosion of love and want and need, it's a whole other thing to give it voice, to take the step and make it real.

What would happen right now if they both gave in? They're standing on the ledge and Buck just wants to jump, to let Eddie catch him, to be his parachute and find them a safe place to land. Everything they've been feeling and not saying is like a grenade between them and damn it all, Buck is ready to pull the pin, let the explosion happen and for everything to fall into place. For a few terrifying moments today, he thought he was going to die, that his grip was gonna give out like his safety line and he was going to plummet to the rocks and water below. He was going to die before he ever kissed Eddie, before he told him he loved him, before he could hold Christopher close and tell him how much Buck loved him, like a son. Those feelings rush through him again, Buck's walls caving in around him.

Pull the pin.

Buck steps forward into Eddie's space again, hands cupping Eddie's neck. He brushes his thumbs along Eddie's cheekbones, leaning in ever so slightly. If Eddie doesn't want this, he can back out now, can pull away and it'll be done. But Eddie's not moving away. He's pressing in too, eyes locked on to Buck's as feet become inches, until there is barely a breath between them. Last chance, Buck thinks, but Eddie just closes the distance, hands settling on Buck's hips as their lips meet.

It's chaste and sweet, little more than a lingering press of lips as they breath each other in. It floods Buck's chest with a sudden warmth that spreads throughout his body until his toes and fingers are tingling with it. He smiles against Eddie's lips when he feels the other man's hands slide from his hips up to his lower back, pulling them closer together. It's everything he needs and everything he wants right here, right now.

When they pull away, Eddie sighs, his forehead coming to rest against Buck's collarbone. "Buck," he breaths out, "I think I'm in love with you."

Buck can't help the small chuckle that rumbles through his chest. It's been a long, trying day and his control over his emotions is now non-existent. He leans his head to the side, chin resting against Eddie’s temple, a smile curling across his face. "Yeah, I think so too."

At that, Eddie finally picks his head up, a strangled laugh escaping as he pulls back to look up at Buck. "Jerk," he mutters under his breath, there’s no heat to the words though, just a soft sort of exasperation and acceptance.

They hover like that for a few moments, eyes locked on one another, still wrapped in each other's embrace. Buck doesn't know where to go from here, he just knows he doesn't want to leave this bubble of tranquility. Everything feels too perfect, too right; reality bleeding it might ruin everything. He's forced to move, however, a few moments later when his leg starts to cramp and the exhaustion of the day catches up with him. If he doesn't sit down soon, he might end up in a heap on the floor.

"I hate to do this, Eddie," Buck murmurs, "but I think I need to sit down."

Eddie's eyes widen, the day's events crashing back into him full force. He quickly nods, hands falling away from Buck's back. Buck doesn't let him get too far, though; he grabs one of Eddie's hands and pulls him towards the couch.

"Do you have to pick up Chris?" Buck asks, toeing off his shoes.

"Not for a few hours yet," Eddie confirms, following Buck's lead.

"Stay with me?"

Eddie nods, dropping down to the couch, tugging Buck with him. It takes a few moments to get limbs arranged and comfortable, but eventually they settle together, Buck pressed against Eddie's side, his head resting on the man's chest. Eddie's arm drapes comfortingly across his upper back and holds him close. In the silence of the room, Buck can hear the soft thump of Eddie's heart, the steady beat a relaxing lullaby.

"I promised myself I wouldn't let anymore time pass without telling you how I felt," Eddie's soft voice breaks the quiet around them, finishing his thought from before. "I almost lost you again before I could tell you."

"But you didn't," Buck reassures him. He turns his head enough that he can meet Eddie's eyes. "You saved me."

Buck watches that realization flicker over Eddie's face with satisfaction before he buries his head against Eddie's chest again. Sleep is tugging at his consciousness, but he doesn't want to let go of this moment just yet. He wants to stay here, wrapped in Eddie's arms, both of them safe and content and whole.

"I think I'm in love with you," Buck murmurs, fingers twisting in the waist of Eddie's shirt as his eyes start to slip closed.

Under his cheek he can feel a chuckle rumble through Eddie's chest, a hand carding softly through his hair. 

"Yeah, I think so too."

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Heart" by Sleeping At Last. I highly recommend taking a listen, it's fantastic.


End file.
